Pattern Reset
We are getting personal
For as long as I can remember, I have always found writing difficult, especially when writing stories, personal or otherwise. During my final English O-level examination—WAEC (the West African Examination Council) for my fellow West Africans—I didn't write a 'letter to a loved one' or 'a story about an unforgettable experience.' Instead, I wrote an article about the Boko Haram crisis in Northern Nigeria because I knew the facts and didn't have to narrate a personal story.
Recently, this pattern has changed, and being impersonal is no longer my automatic response. It all started with a women’s speaking club group In Barcelona, an event I was lucky to find on Meetup while searching for ways to meet more people in the city. We meet every other Wednesday, and after I attended once, I never looked back. It felt like a very American gathering in the middle of the Catalan capital, but one with a very Spanish vibe—warm and welcoming. Our evenings typically involve listening to two prepared speeches followed by an impromptu speaking round based on a chosen theme or word. Think Toastmasters, but for women only. Whenever I get called up to speak, I always tell a personal story because I have no time to overthink my response.
Last week, our word was “fear” and this was the story I told:
“I have always been afraid to make a wrong move. You can also say that I’ve been afraid to fail. So much so that it takes me ages to make a decision. When I knew I wanted to go to graduate school, I spent over 2 years trying to make what I felt was the best choice. One day, however, I found a program in Barcelona, and all my spreadsheets went out the window. I was so excited that I forgot to overthink. I made all the motions. Put in my application, applied for my visa, and started packing my life up from my Lagos apartment. Once everything was set, I began to dread my decision. All the what-ifs I didn’t have time to dine with months before came knocking…”
I don’t remember exactly how I ended the speech. My 2 minutes were up and I had to wrap things up quickly. I probably spoke about how my initial experiences in Barcelona confirmed all my fears when reality set in. How being here has not only pushed me out of my comfort zone but has also given me the space to find rest.
My name is Dubem I am trained as an architect, currently studying urbanism and painting makes me feel all sorts of beautiful things. Craft and visual expression have always been my preferred methods of storytelling. Making helps me think. However, despite the interconnectedness of these disciplines, I have yet to find a rhythm of practice that allows them to coexist harmoniously. Or perhaps they were never meant to.
The goal is to write weekly about practice, sharing personal experiences and stories alongside it. While I’m not entirely sure where this newsletter will lead, its central idea is to explore the interconnectedness of various creative practices. Through writing, I hope to reflect on the practices I enjoy and identify patterns in my explorations.
Until next time,
Dubem.
Loved this read! Looking forward to where this journey takes you.